Sunday, October 14, 2012

Love you, cupcake!

So, Rocco and I were meandering the streets of St. Peter this morning, on our way to the newly-appointed city dog park, maybe a mile or so down the road from my mom's adorable little apartment. I was thinking, as always, of Bob, so many thoughts tumbling and rolling in my head as they do, rough agates in a rock polisher . . . or whatever . . . when suddenly, right there at the intersection of Broadway and Minnesota avenues, waiting for the "walk" light to flash, a thought popped up in the midst of the tumbling: Why the hell not? I thought back: no kidding . . .why the hell not . . .why not just let go of the conventional and right now: believe, embrace, hold dear, that every odd, coincidental little event encountered since Bob's death, is absolutely that. A connection to/from Bob. Yes, indeed. Why the hell not.  

I couldn't even begin to list all the odd little "happenstances" that have occured  since Bob's death (let's not even get int the ones that occurred prior . . .), but until the moment this morning, at the intersection of Minnesota and Broadway, I have been skeptical, wary, doubtful, suspicious, even. But the "standard" path of grieving kinda sucks, let's be real, and isn't working for me, so today, I have decided to accept each and every "sign" I encounter as the workings of the universe.

And with that, Rocco and I arrived at the dog park and he played to his heart's desire with two greyhounds, a coon hound, a big floppy poodle and a couple of spaniels and I met a couple of really nice local peeps to chit-chat with a bit (though of course, I remember the dogs' names but not the humans . . .) before traipsing back to G'ma Coffee's . . .

On our way back to my mom's, a piece of paper speared in the bushes caught my eye, just outside her apartment building. I picked it up and read: 

Sealed the deal.

Love you, too. Bob. xxoo

3 comments:

  1. Wow, I just found you through a google search "paint hunter Douglas blinds." I started reading more and discovered your journey with your husband. My brother fought cancer from Aug 2009 until his death in July 2011. (Similar timeline) wish I would have found you during that time. He was 48 when he passed. Not only was he my brother but we were also best friends. I too look for signs. Mine are rainbows. Our last name is Frain so I've come to call them Frainbow's. they appear at the strangest times and even when it hasn't been raining. Your an inspiration and I plan on reading more once I stop crying for you and your husband and me and my brother, lol.

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  2. I love this story!
    Leeny

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  3. Bob is with you every day. I just know it is so. He walks with you. He hugs you when you don't know it. He holds your hand and watches over you while you sleep. No matter what I believe you will see him again one day in the afterlife.

    Much Love from Texas!
    Anne

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